It’s A Woman | A new series on ~TimePass~

Over the recent weeks, ~TimePass~ has received numerous FWDs and email on how Women do things, handle things, in a totally opposite and errr.. different way than Men would. This is all in jest and fun, so the feminists out there, don’t get all worked about it.

But honestly, we can’t really ignore FACTS though, can we? 😉

‘It’s A Woman’ content will have it’s own category called, quite imaginatively and very originally – ‘It’s A Woman’! ‘It’s a Woman’ will contain, jokes, anecdotes, slideshows, and some very amusing videos.

Using the cliche’: ‘Watch this space’

8)

~Rakesh

G-U-J-J-U | We are Gujjus: LOUD and Proud

This has got to be the ‘Gujju-Anthem‘!

We are G-U-J-J-U, Gujju.

This is video clip is from a recent NY based Bollywood film – Kal Ho Na Ho by Karan Johar. Talk to any Gujju in USA and they will say.‘Oh by New York..you mean Jackson Heights or Edison?’ (and Edison is in New Jersey!).

The center of the Indian Diaspora Universe (US-based) is either the rough around the edges – Jackson Heights or the ‘swank’ little neighborhood – Edison. A Gujju shopper’s paradise. Got food. Got Gold. Got Sarees. Got movies..and Got Deals/Discounts/Sales/Freebies!

Got Gujjus!!

As all Gujjus would say: Watch the video and ‘by heart it’ becoj v are Gujjus!

8)

~Rakesh

Queen of England is an Indian | Goodness Gracious Me!

FWD:ed by: Kalpana P 🙂

Just watch the deduction and proof in the following clip from a very popular British Television programme called ‘Goodness Gracious Me’ based on the Indian diaspora settled in UK.

Center Shock | Chew on this and shock yourself awake

There are many days that we either start off with or roll into that become so dull, so dreary. Either lack of something or abundance of something makes these days happen. It takes a lot to overcome this dull dreary patch, climb the hill, and reach the nadir where it’s all nice and sunny, with pretty little birds singing and the flowers blooming.

OK, OK that is taking it a bit too far and a tad more melodramatic. But you get my point.

India, again, being India was quick to import this ‘phoren’ chewing gum, which literally ‘Hilaa ke rakh de’ – Shakes you all up -= a la Elvis Presley and his pelvic thrusts.

Would you dare to give this chewing gum a try?

Warning: The background tune to this advertisement from Indian TV is catchy in a very subtle way. Watch this video a couple of time, listening to the tune and in a subliminal way the tune will creep into the ‘center’ of your brain and you will find yourself trying to stop humming or thinking about it through the day. No more dull & dreary patches, huh?

Best Business Practice | Gujju Gujarati Style

These days whenever people talk about business, all seem to agree that it is all about networking. ‘Networking’ is a modern term used for the old line “Success in any business is all about who you know, not what you know”. Otherwise known as “Influence” in Indian circles.

The Gujju’s (Gujju=a term of endearment for anyone of Gujarati origin! :)) have practically perfected the art of using this influence, this ‘network’ to achieve their goal(s). The end justifies the means, any day!

An example:

Gujarati (father):I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son:”I will choose my own bride!!!”
Gujarati:”But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter..”
Son:”Well, in that case… OK”

Next Gujarati approaches Bill Gates.
Gujarati:”I have a husband for your daughter….”
Bill Gates:”But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!”
Gujarati:”But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Bill Gates:”Ah, in that case… OK”

Finally Gujarati goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Gujarati:”I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”
President:”But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!”
Gujarati:”But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”
President:”Ah, in that case… OK”

And that my friends, is how a Gujarati does business.

Viola!

Gujaratis mean business

Indian Railways | ‘Inadequate’ cards not accepted!

What happens when you make a reservation with Indian Railways, pay with a credit card, and the card is found to have insufficient funds?

Read on..

This message was sent out to a customer whose card payment could not be processed. From the ‘western’ point of view the Indian written English can be found to be entertaining at most times. Here the word ‘inadequate’ takes the whole message to another level. In the western world, the word ‘inadequate’ can apply to the lacking or shortfall in certain errrr capacities of a person. Do you see the humor?

Dear Customer,

We regret that the booking of your ticket could not be processed at this time as the transaction with ref. No. xxxxxxxxxx was not authorised by your bankers. The failure may also be due to some sort of inadequacies in your card / bank account.

Or possibly the account holder? 🙂

in.ad.e.quate:

not adequate or sufficient; inept or unsuitable

lacking the capacity for psychological maturity or adequate social adjustment

one who is inadequate especially in terms of social adjustment

Mother’s discerning eye | Be afraid!

Contributed by: Bharat B (Thanks! Keep them coming!)

A  young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, “Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

The Indian mother replies,
….
…
…..
….
….
….
….
….
….
….
“I don’t like her”

Gujjus Rulez!

Sardarjee: I have a cow for you for just Rs500! Patelbhai
Patelbhai: I’ll take it, you can bring it to me tomorrow! here is the money

The next day: ‘Sorry Bhai, but the cow died last night.
”Oh.. So, ok then. Just give me my money back”
Sorry Bhaia, I already spend that money..
”Eish! So, ok then. Just bring me the dead cow.’

So, sardaarjee brought the dead cow to Patel the next morning.
A few weeks later, Sardarjee bumped into Patel and asked him what he did with the dead cow:
‘You won’t believe it Sardarjee! I made a raffle for the cow, and I sold 251 tickets for Rs5 each!  I made a profit of Rs850!  But, I didn’t tell anyone the cow was dead..

”Yoh! And the people didn’t complain?’
‘Eish! Only the guy who won!  So, I gave him back his R5 and he was happy!

‘Patel is now Minister of Finance in Gujarat’

Who is this clever Patel?

Spiderman Gujju Isstyle: Desi Karodiyo

Someone from my network of friends shared this YouTube Video. Spiderman in Gujarati! This is hilarious. Prepare to get some stomach cramps due to laughter!

~O_o~

Whose side was Darwin on?

 

A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.

Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered: Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.

The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom’, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.

The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family while your father told you about his side!